Take a V12 pumping out 800 Horsepower and a gravity-shattering 1,047 lb-ft of torque and shove it into a G-Wagen, give it an ostentatious bodykit and tons of electronics, and you have the Brabus iBusiness. What business are you in, exactly?
You read that correctly, Brabus has informed us that their new Mercedes-Benz G65-based "800 iBusiness" can apparently do anything.
The aggressively ostentatious German luxury tuner finally burned through the entire thesaurus and has resorted to just writing insane shit in their PR pitches. The first sentence of their new Gelandewagen's brochure reads:
The BRABUS 800 "iBusiness" based on the Mercedes G 65 literally knows no limits - real or virtual.
"Literally." Get our ass in the new Brabus G and you're above it all. Speed limits? Forget 'em. Laws of physics? This baby can fly upside-down. It has no top speed and will never run out of fuel. That would be an accurate description of a vehicle with, literally, no limits.
Of course there's always the chance they meant literally figuratively. Maybe those Germans got a little turned around in a language with so few syllables.
There's no denying it's a mighty potent SUV. A biturbo 6 liter V12 belches out 800 horsepower and 1,047 lb-ft of torque, moving the same 11x26" wheels from the STARTECH Range Rover to 60 MPH in 4.2 seconds and moving on to a top speed that's... wait for it... electronically limited to 155.
I guess that settles the literally/figuratively conundrum after all. Too bad, I thought Brabus had finally contributed something to society for a second there.
Outside the 800 iBusiness is the usual Brabus bombast; it's exhausting to look at. More ridges than Lt. Worf's forehead, LEDs all over the place, and a spoiler with its work cut out for it counteracting the SUV's brick-like aerodynamics.
The interior is fit for a supervillian, or anybody who gets bored easily. Two small monitors plus an iMac give you things to look at, an immensely powerful stereo with eerie red lights on it puts thump in the trunk, and quilted leather seats leave funny patterns on your thighs.
A rear center console is bristling with buttons and even has a place to put your iPhone.
But while Brabus added 4.7 inches to the width of the G-Wagen with its signature WIDESTAR fender flares, they didn't do anything about the length. The back seat of a G is tight, even for a scrawny guy like me. I don't think anyone over 200 pounds would have much luck sharing the rear seat with all those gadgets.