Every fiber of my being is compelling me to buy this giant pink dump truck I found on Craigslist for five grand and, please, I can’t afford to make this mistake.

Look, I have a wonderful living situation right now. I have a car. I have a parking garage. I have reasonable rent for my income and a manageable set of responsibilities.

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What I do not need is a medium-duty GMC 7000 diesel dump truck, in perfect 1980s/early ‘90s squareness, complete with air brakes.

The seller in the Hudson Valley advertises that it “holds 7-8 yards” and that it has “minimal use last few years, off road use only around farm.” The significance of the truck’s six is not immediately clear.

Where would I keep this dump truck? Where would I find sufficient things to fill up the 7-8 available yards? What would I dump?

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My life would not be the same. Please remind me that the change would not be for the better. Please. I am happy now. Buy it so I don’t have to.