What's synonymous with off-roading and makes any truck look extra badass? "Bolted-on polished tube nudge bars!" said no one. But apparently that's what makes the Toyota Hilux Dakar "the ultimate Hilux."

This is only a couple notches away from stick-on port-hole vents.

Yes, here in America we're properly jealous that you can get a manual-shift 4WD diesel crew cab Toyota pickup in South Africa. But they're going to get too far with off-road rally fans by tacking on a faux battering bar and spelling out "DAKAR" with fridge-magnet letters on the tailgate.

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Just in case it isn't clear, Toyota does not report any unique performance features whatsoever for the Hilux Dakar.

What the hell is even going on with this two-story bumper?

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Toyota's General Manager for Marketing in South Africa said, "The Dakar Edition is currently the ultimate Hilux and a fitting tribute to the legendary success of this model, both in the sales charts and in this epic rally."

But of course, he's wrong. I wonder if anybody can show us what they really think is the "ultimate" Hilux? I can think of just a few out of Iceland.

The hood scoop can stay, so can the power plant and drive train. But while tack-on chrome trim might be appropriate on an American luxobarge truck, it makes this Hilux look like a Hot Wheels toy you decided not to buy because it was a little too goofy.